Embracing Fear: A Pathway to Flow and Success

Discovering the relationship between fear and flow isn't always intuitive. Kristen Ulmer, a renowned flow specialist, unveils how our emotional states play a pivotal role in achieving success in various aspects of life. In her journey, Kristen shares powerful insights into how embracing rather than resisting emotions like fear, anger, and sadness can lead to profound transformations.

The Remarkable Story of a Ski Champion

Kristen begins with an inspiring account of a ski racer, one of her clients, who faced a massive challenge before the Olympics. Despite a stellar past, the athlete had struggled for four years, dealing with injuries and lackluster performance. With the pressure of defending her Olympic title weighing heavily on her, anxiety loomed large. 

Kristen helped her client by redefining her relationship with fear, anger, and sadness, ultimately facilitating a connection that pushed her into a flow state. This transformation led the athlete to win two silver medals, a testament to the power of embracing emotions.

The Ancient Wisdom of Intimacy

Central to Kristen's transformative approach is a concept borrowed from Zen teachings. Citing Dogen Zenji, a revered Zen master, she aligns enlightenment with "intimacy with all things," a notion she extends to modern-day flow states. In today's world, where fear is often mislabeled as anxiety and emotions are suppressed rather than embraced, this ancient wisdom provides a refreshing lens through which we can achieve flow.

Flow, as Kristen describes, is "intimacy with all things." By fostering intimacy with every emotional state, including fear, one is not only able to alleviate suffering but also access the potential to perform beyond imagination.

Shifting Focus from Resistance to Intimacy

In her coaching, Kristen emphasizes shifting from resistance to intimacy. She provides a formula to conceptualize suffering as a product of discomfort and resistance. The ski racer, for instance, suffered because she resisted her discomforts. Kristen facilitated a dialogue between the athlete and her emotions, leading to intimacy instead of resistance. This is where the second formula comes into play: flow equals whatever you're feeling plus intimacy.

In practical terms, the shift involves embracing sensations fully rather than rationalizing them away. It demands feeling fear, anger, or sadness without suppressing or denying them. As Kristen illustrates, even negative emotions, when felt with intimacy, can lead to heightened performance and flow states.

Fear and Intimacy: Allies, Not Adversaries

Drawing from her background in extreme sports, Kristen underscores that fear is not an enemy but an ally in the quest for flow. In her conversations with elite athletes like Laird Hamilton, she discovers the importance of an intimate relationship with fear. Those who understand and embrace their fear, rather than dismiss or resist it, often achieve unparalleled success.

However, this revelation doesn't come easy in a world that glorifies resilience and calm over vulnerability. Kristen shares chilling moments from her own skiing career, illustrating how intimacy with fear enabled her to turn anxiety into focus and achieve top rankings amidst fierce competition.

Learning to Feel: Beyond Mental Constructs

One significant barrier to accessing flow is over-reliance on mental intelligence. Kristen challenges the notion of emotional intelligence as the ability to regulate emotions, offering an alternative view that prioritizes honest engagement with feelings.

Being present with our emotions requires letting go of intellectual control and entering a state of pure feeling—a task that can seem daunting but is absolutely essential for accessing genuine flow states. Kristen emphasizes, "A flow state begins where thinking stops."

Practical Steps to Achieve Flow

Transitioning to a flow state is about getting in tune with the physical and emotional self. To achieve this:

1. Feel Without Thinking: Whether dealing with fear or joy, experience emotions sans thought. Let them flow through your body.

2. Intimacy with the External: Foster a connection not only with your inner states but also with the world around you. Engage deeply with your environment, be it in sports, nature, or daily activities.

3. Practice Mindlessness: Amid a culture that values mindfulness, Kristen argues for a counterbalance. She suggests practicing states of no-mind, where presence isn't about conscious awareness but instead pure, unfiltered experience.

4. Drop the Mind Like a Pen: Let go of intellectual pursuits and give feelings space to exist. Engage in non-intellectual activities where physical presence is highlighted, like dancing or connecting with animals.

5. Embrace the Negative: Encourage yourself to have intimacy not just with positive experiences but also with challenging emotions and situations.

Concluding Insights

Kristen Ulmer's teachings compel us to reevaluate our relationships with emotions, particularly fear. She challenges the conventional wisdom that teaches avoidance or combat, elevating intimacy as the missing key to flow and greatness.

By integrating these practices, not only do individuals stand to unleash unprecedented performance potential, but they also transform their lives, moving through the world with courage and authenticity. Kristen’s insights are a clarion call to embrace all facets of our being and, in doing so, access the full spectrum of life’s possibilities.

Keep these teachings in mind as you navigate your personal and professional challenges, and consider Kristen's provocative question: Are you in intimacy with all your states of being?

For more information, see our podcast on HUMAN performance.